


falling like ashes to the ground

by Capbuckyang



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Praise Kink, Restraints, Subspace, Team Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-22 08:40:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11376594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Capbuckyang/pseuds/Capbuckyang
Summary: "Sometimes we got to tie him up to the bed and he'll get better when he's tied down."





	falling like ashes to the ground

**Author's Note:**

  * For [weird_situation](https://archiveofourown.org/users/weird_situation/gifts).



> The summary is just a quote from [ this](http://i.tsn.ca/draftcentre/story/?id=412655) article about Jo and the Mooseheads. Jo/Stammer and Jo/Nate are only mentioned. I started this in the middle of the season when half our team was injured and everything was a little sad. It was definitely before all the trades lol. I liked Heddy and Jo's dynamic, so I hope you enjoy this! [Here's](http://avasilevskiy.tumblr.com/post/154643854192) a reference for the height difference. 
> 
> This felt like my goodbye to Jo, he'll always be a bolt in my heart.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s fucking freezing in Edmonton.

Normally, he’d be fine with the icy cold weather and clumps of snow all over the ground, but maybe living in the sunshine state is finally rubbing off on him. He’d give anything to be back in Tampa, to have the sticky humid air cling to his skin, and feel the heat of the sun on his frozen limbs.

The locker room is quiet once the media leaves, but not the normal kind of quiet after a loss, it’s more deafening. Slumped shoulders and frowns all around.

They’re also missing Stammer, Cally, Kuch, Ceddy, and Pally, which isn’t helping bring the team morale up.

Bish and Vasy are huddled in a corner doing their own post game goalie stuff they always do.

Boyler’s trying, Jo can see him patting shoulders, telling the boys they did well, they tried hard, it’s only one loss. It doesn’t particularly make Jo feel better, feels like despite scoring twice tonight, they still loss, his goals became a waste.

He shouldn’t think like that, and he wishes he could slap on a smile and help cheer everyone up, but he can’t. He doesn’t want to spend another night in the hotel, he doesn’t want to endure the long flight home, and he doesn’t want to feel like his team’s splintered and broken. But just because he doesn’t want something doesn’t mean it won’t happen. He’s learned that time and time again.

The ride to the hotel on the bus takes longer than it ever has.

They get pelted with snow the second they walk out of the arena, which only worsens everyone’s moods.

Jo normally sits by Ceddy but since he isn’t here, the team dynamics look different. He doesn’t have like a _thing_ , about sitting next to anyone on the bus, but he likes having a pattern and rhythm and not having half the team with them is already messing with everything. He passes by Val and Bray, and decide to slump down next to Heddy, who doesn’t do much beyond smile softly and move his leg a little for Jo to sit down.

He misses Ceddy, wishes he could just talk about mindless things in French with him until the feeling that something’s squeezing his chest dissipates.

He misses Stammer, wish he could curl up and tuck his face between his shoulder and neck and feel his fingers stroke through his hair until he felt calm and less upset.

He misses Cally, who always knows the right thing to say, and can brighten up the rest of the boys considerably even after sucky losses like this one.

He misses Pally and Kuch being a solid presence, and keeping the entire team in good spirits.

Jo doesn’t realize he’s biting his lower lip and shaking his leg anxiously until Killer passes by him.

“Hey bud, don’t tear it off,” he says, more amused than concerned, and pats his shoulder. Jo immediately lets go, runs his tongue over the indents his teeth left and sees Killer take a seat next to Stralsy.

Heddy turns to him and raises an eyebrow in questions.

“It’s just cold,” Jo says quickly and really wishes he sat next to someone less perceptive. He wouldn’t have to worry about being too obvious about what he’s feeling or needing next to Brown or Garry, but he’s also kinda glad he’s next to Heddy. He’s a lot like Stammer and it settles something inside him.

He tries to stay still on the way back, and probably fails spectacularly because Heddy asks “You okay?” as soon as they’re getting off the bus. Jo doesn’t want to say everything’s fine but he also doesn’t want to say he feels like he’s breaking apart and needs someone to hold him together.

It’s selfish and unfair, he’s not the only one in need of something to latch onto, but Heddy’s eyes are concerned and his hand is suddenly on the back of his neck, warm and squeezing gently.

Shu and Slater are the last to get off the bus and turn to them before they leave. “Plan on sleeping here?” Slater teases when Jo makes no move to get up. Heddy gives them an indulgent smile and lets go of Jo. It makes him shiver, having the cool air replace the warmth of his touch.

“Come on, the hotel is warm,” Heddy says.

Jo follows him inside and tries to keep it together. He’s only managed to avoid Boyler’s attempt of making him laugh by messing with his hair and Tyler’s arm around his neck to realize that he’s more strung up than he ever should be.

He goes to Stammer when it gets bad.

They have a routine and he’s comfortable with it. It wasn’t so bad at the start of the road trip but he’s feeling like a tightly coiled spring now and it’s making his head throb.

“Come up after you shower?” Heddy asks softly, quietly, a suggestion not a demand, like he just knows what Jo might need. He probably does, better than leaving him alone till he can't help but snap at everything and have it affect his play on the ice.

He usually shares a room with Brayden and he finds that he’s grateful for that when he walks in and sees the rookie passed out face down on his bed.

He left Jo the bed closer to the window and that makes him smile, Brayden’s good at that, remembering the little things.

He tugs the comforter up over Brayden’s shoulders because hotels get cold as fuck in the middle of the night and pats his head gently.

There’s not much else he can do, his skin feels all prickly and his stomach keeps twisting unpleasantly. He considers calling Stammer, but decides to go to Heddy’s first, maybe being in the presence of his calming behavior will ease up the feeling in his belly.

He knocks nervously on Heddy’s door, making sure multiple times that this one is actually his and then wonders if he’ll be alone or if he’s rooming with someone, and _oh shit,_ does he really even know what’s he here for?

Before he panics and backs out altogether, Heddy opens the door in soft grey sweats and a faded lightning t-shirt that looks like Stammer’s but since they all have a shit ton of lighting gear, maybe they both have one.

Jo peers over Heddy’s shoulder, which is quite a struggle since Heddy’s so goddamn _tall_ , and Heddy chuckles.

“Just me,” he says and steps aside to let Jo in.

Jo takes a deep breath and thinks, _to hell with it_.

His fingers are digging into his palms and he wishes again that he didn’t go so long without it, feels like a ticking time bomb and jumps a little when Heddy squeezes his shoulder and hands him a water bottle. He shakes his head and Heddy sighs, places the water bottle and granola bar that Jo is pretty sure was taken from Tyler’s collection down before turning back to Jo.

“What do you and Stammer usually do?” Heddy asks.

Jo startles at that, he wasn’t aware Stammer talked about it to anyone. It makes sense when he thinks about it, he’s the Captain and the alternates should know some of what the rest of the team might need if he’s not there.

Jo hesitates, he’s never had to talk about it before. The mooseheads started it of course, figured out what he needed and he had Nate, so that was easy.

With Stammer, it was natural, his rookie crush led from one thing to another and now they had a whole thing set but he’s never been in a position where he has to explain what he _wants_ , or needs really. He considers backing out, but Heddy looks soft and huge and could hold him down exactly how he needs if Jo just lets him…

“He’d tie me up, sometimes, like to the bed,” Jo says in a rush and feels blood rush to his cheeks. He’s fidgeting where he’s standing. Heddy leans in closer and strokes his hair back, just a gentle touch but it has Jo shivering and feeling weak in the knees anyway.

“Do you have a safe word?” Heddy asks and Jo melts when Heddy presses his palm against the back of Jo’s neck, squeezes then rubs his thumb gently over the nape.

“Red wing.”

Heddy laughs and Jo feels his cheeks flush. He never had a real safe word in Halifax, but Stammer insisted and the first time he went to him was after a Red Wings game.

Heddy’s eyes seem more green than blue in the soft lamp light and his posture exudes sureness. Jo can trust him. He is one of the alternates, and Stammer trusts him. Heddy reaches down to grip Jo’s wrist.

Jo shudders, he’s bordering on falling to his knees, he feels shaky and loose and just _needs_.

“I don’t have rope,” Heddy says and squeezes softly. “But I think I have an idea, do you trust me?”

Jo barely has a chance to nod to say _yes_ , he does trust him, please just stop him from falling apart.

Heddy’s bed feels exactly the one in his own hotel room; the sheets smell different though, with Heddy’s shampoo lingering on the pillows.

Jo tries to relax, takes deep breaths and thinks about how all the tension will melt away soon enough, every missed shot, every stupid mistake will become a hazy memory leaving only the lesson to do better in his head instead.

Heddy’s thumb rubs over Jo’s ankle as he tugs the scarf that’s tied around him, holding him down to the bedpost. Jo shivers and Heddy looks up.

“Too tight?” he asks, concern all over his face. “No,” Jo shakes his head.

His legs are tied down but there wasn’t enough scarves for his arms.

Usually, he’s at Stammer’s place and he has the nice kind of rope, that perfectly holds him down but doesn’t scrape against his skin or leave visible bruises. Heddy’s scarves are soft though, and he’s crawling up the bed to sit besides Jo. He’s much bigger than anyone else that’s ever done this and it scares him but also makes him excited to see how well it goes.

“Raise your arms up,” Heddy says and Jo listens.

He took off his shirt and his boxers feel too small now, when Heddy’s still wearing his pajama pants, but at least he’s not wearing a shirt either. He tugs Jo’s wrists up and holds them down against the pillow. For a second, Jo thinks it won’t work, it’s not enough, and starts to resist, tugging his arms away, but Heddy only squeezes and presses down, makes a soft, soothing noise.

Jo feels like he’s about to burst, but then Heddy drapes himself almost all over him and everything feels like it _stops_.

It happens in stages. His heart stop trying to beat out of his chest, his fingers balled up into fists loosen and he feels hazy, a warm feeling starts up from his toes that spreads upwards.

Heddy’s not a talker, unless he’s defending his favorite football team, and Jo’s grateful for that at the moment, because the silence is almost soothing, helps him get out of his head easier.

When it was Nate, he wouldn’t shut up and as much as Jo wanted Nate there, sometimes he wanted him to stop talking so the silence could soothe him or sometimes _he_ wanted to talk, give out every fear and frustration until he felt empty.

Jo drifts in and out, feeling his tense muscles relax and melts deeper into the bed. Heddy doesn’t let go, says all the right things when Jo ends up blaming himself for the losses, his voice feels a soft velvety blanket that covers Jo until he’s only got tears left on his cheeks and his dick hardening in his boxers.

“Sorry,” Jo says when he sees Heddy notice and Heddy smiles indulgently, traces the vein on Jo’s wrist.

“That happens, sometimes,” Jo says and feels his cheeks heat. For the first time since this thing started, he realizes how close Heddy is, how good he smells. “I’ll just,” Jo tries to move his hand but he's too lax and still held in Heddy’s grip and he honestly doesn’t want to move just yet.

“Does Stammer…I mean can I…?” Heddy’s never sounded so unsure and it’s odd, he’s always the one to know what to say to the media, win or loss, and to the boys when they’re too wound up after a hard period. With Jo tonight, when he wasn’t sure how to ask for what he needs.

Jo’s nodding before he can think of it what it will mean. Heddy let’s go of one of his wrists and holds both in one hand, which leaves his other hand free.

“You should keep breathing,” Heddy says and laughs when Jo catches on and takes a deep breath.

He didn’t realize he was holding his breath.

Heddy slides his hand down his chest, his pinky rubbing over Jo’s nipple.

“Fuck, I’ve never really done this part with anyone,” Jo stutters out and Heddy stops, just above the waistband of his boxers. His palm is huge, and warm against Jo’s belly.

“Not even with Stammer?” Heddy asks and Jo stares up at the ceiling, feeling too exposed and needy all of a sudden.

It was inevitable with Stammer; Jo wanted Stammer to touch him all over even before they started their thing, but he wasn’t even completely sure if he _really_ liked guys until Stammer so his experience is limited to some messy make outs with Nate while too drunk to bring up again and Stammer. Which wasn’t much, yet, since Jo mostly spent his time either tied up or on his knees sucking Stammer’s dick until he couldn’t care about anything else and having Stammer jerk him off right after because he was usually too wound up for anything else that would last longer.

Then Stammer got injured and barely had a chance to take care of himself while hold up a team that was losing more people every night, and Jo wasn’t sure if trying something new was something they could even have time for.

“Well, anyone besides Stammer.” Jo amends. His dick feels heavy and he can already feel the slick at the tip soaking into his boxers.

This entire conversation should not be turning him on.

Heddy kisses his shoulder and Jo feels the weird tightness in his belly loosen.

“I don’t have to, if you don’t want,” Heddy says softly and goes to take his hand off of Jo’s skin. Jo’s hips rise up off the bed instinctively.

It wasn’t like Stammer would say no, they weren’t _that_ kind of relationship. Plus this is _Heddy_ , basically Stammer’s other half, they shared so many things together anyway. If he had told Heddy about how Jo sometimes needs to be tied down to get out of his head and lose all the useless energy inside, he surely told him about the rest of it.

Jo would definitely tell Stammer about it as soon as he could, and felt better about _wanting_ it so badly when he thought of it that way.

“No don’t- I want you to,” Jo manages and then hides his face into Heddy’s arm.

“Okay,” Heddy chuckles and slips his hands underneath just like that, easy as anything.

Jo can’t stop the gasp that escapes him.

Heddy’s hand is huge, different than his owns, and also different than Stammer. He’s gentle, fingers rubbing over the head of his cock before smoothing a hand down, playing with his balls. He tugs his boxers down, leaving the waistband tucked right under his balls and Jo sucks in a nervous breath.

His hand is good, fantastic, the rough spots at the knuckles right next to the smooth hollow of his palm, and he tries pressing up into it, just to get more. Jo keeps squirming, and in the close space he can smell Heddy’s cologne, sharp and clean, feel the ends of his hair tickle his collar bones.

Heddy’s eyes are intense and Jo feels like he’s buzzing out of his skin, restless energy and want pooling at the base of his spine. It makes him want to escape, put some distance, but he can’t throw Heddy off, not with him being _heavier_ , a bit stronger than he is. Heddy’s fingers presses against Jo’s jaw, keeping eye contact to make sure Jo’s okay and that makes Jo’s cheeks burn.

He can hardly focus on feeling so vulnerable when Heddy starts to stroke him off in quick pulls, his stomach bumping against the head of Jo's dick.

Jo tilts his hips up when it feels too _good_ , makes some kind of choking noise that grabs Heddy’s attention, has him slowing down and loosening his grip around Jo’s wrists.

“Want me stop?” he asks softly and Jo shakes his head, whines when Heddy lets go of his cock, his fingertips just brushing over the head. He’s embarrassingly wet, and he knows his cheeks are scarlet at this point, but there’s not much he can do in this position anyway.

“Okay,” Heddy says, sounding amused, when Jo makes a frustrated noise. He presses closer against him, changes the angle of his hand and it makes Jo shiver. He feels bit like he’s spiraling, can’t properly catch a breath, but he knows he doesn’t want him to stop, just _needs_ -

Heddy starts kissing his neck, his beard rough against his sensitive skin. “Being so good for me,” Heddy says softly, kisses Jo’s jaw and does this twisty thing at the head of his dick that has him moaning and arching up. He needs _that_. Heddy doesn’t disappoint.

He keeps up a steady string of words, encouragements and endearments, some filthy enough to get Jo so _close_ to that edge. He can’t move his legs because of the scarves, and Heddy’s grip is tight, yet still comfortable on his wrists. It feels like too much, his hand is huge and working him over so _perfectly_.

Jo bites his lip to hold in a needy sob, fucks up into Heddy’s fist until he feels his toes curl.

“That’s it,” Heddy murmurs and Jo comes, arching up into Heddy’s hand. Heddy keeps stroking him, kissing his throat, ignoring the mess he’s caused all over his stomach until Jo starts to curl in on himself and shakes his head.

Jo feels like he’s floating. Every bad thought or annoyance or problem feels like it never existed and this cloud of pleasure is all that there is. He feels loose and relaxed, and- _“You’re shaking,”_ he hears Heddy say, almost like he’s behind glass and his voice is all muffled. It starts feeling a little more scary then, like he’s lost. Jo tries to get closer, wants to cling to Heddy and the good feeling spread all over him, but he can't _move_ , can't reach him. 

“I’m right here, not going anywhere,” Heddy says and kisses his forehead. He presses down on top of him, breathing in sync with Jo until he feels less like he’ll fall off a cliff into an unknown abyss.

“Gonna let go now, okay?” Heddy whispers and Jo nods. He still whines softly in his throat when Heddy lets go of his wrists and massages them gently, getting the blood to flow again. He moves down the bed and does the same for his legs, unties the scarves and uses them to wipe up the mess Jo made.

He doesn’t leave him, like he promised, and Jo vaguely thinks about returning the favor, but feels too tired and lax to even move. Heddy helps him sit up, drink some water he hadn’t wanted earlier, and eat half a granola bar in small bites.

“Thanks,” Jo says when he comes to and starts feeling a tiny bit awkward sitting half naked in Heddy’s bed with his stomach still sticky from his dried come.

“How do you feel?” Heddy asks, and Jo notices that he hasn’t stop touching him, keeps him close and strokes his hair between each bite.

“Good,” Jo says because he honestly does. He’s not strung up and shaky anymore, feels level headed and anchored.

“Better,” he decides and Heddy’s grin is so genuine Jo can’t help but smile shyly too.

“Good,” he says and pats Jo’s thigh.

“You wanna say here?” Heddy asks and Jo shakes his head.

“Brayden sleeps through his alarms,” Jo tells him and Heddy chuckles and nods, even Heddy has seen Brayden tumble out of the hotel last minute just as the bus is leaving since he accidentally slept in.

“Tell me if you need anything okay?” Heddy says and Jo gives him a muffled okay as he tugs on his t-shirt.

He realizes as he’s about to leave that they never kissed, the entire time. Heddy kissed him all over, the press of his lips calming him down or making him shiver, but nothing more than that.

It didn’t feel weird then, but now Jo feels odd about leaving so he reaches up on his tiptoes when Heddy leads him to the door and kisses his cheek.

“Goodnight,” he mumbles, suddenly feeling young and stupid but Heddy smiles and pulls him in for a hug, keeping him close until Jo feels warm and sleepy. He doesn't let go until Jo feels settled and then kisses his forehead and says something in Swedish before smacking his butt and sending him off.

Jo can't stop grinning the whole way. 

Brayden is still asleep when Jo opens the door to their room. He’s got one leg hanging off the bed and a pillow draped over his face.

Jo thinks about showering and decides he’ll do it in the morning, sets up his alarm to make sure they both get up, and crawls into bed.

He falls asleep in minutes, the boundless energy always raging inside him at peace for a while. 

 

* * *

 

 


End file.
